The World in Black and White: Exposed (Sexual Ethics)

In todays world, there is so much violence and blood on our televisions everyday that people are growing accustomed to it. Girls grow up watching commercials that constantly use objectification of womens bodies to sell their products. It's no surprise that the women they become believe that their main purpose is to satisfy a mans sexual pleasure. Some women may live their whole life and never have a satisfying sexual life. Most of the time that is because she has not met someone who cared more about her sexual needs than they did for their own. Unfortunately, this is also mostly men. Men cannot be blamed for buying into the lies , they too are brainwashed into thinking that sex is about male ejaculation. Only one form of sexual activity proves this is not true.
Sadomasochism (hereafter referred to as SM) is a sexual practice that involves a unique relationship between two people where one is the Submissive or Sub and one is the Dominant partner or Dom. Only this sexual practice snubs what is considered normal human behavior and becomes its own indicator of status in dominance hierarchies. The light forms of SM have made their mark on American culture by introducing steel-tipped high heel leather thigh-high boots with chains and spiked jewelry, but the extreme uses of SM push the boundaries of pleasure by breaking through the political power structure that society is so comfortable with. The variety of players who engage in SM range from voyeurs watching a dominatrix whip her man and walk him around on leashes to one night stands that come in for their nightly spankings and humiliation to get them off. Tattoos and piercings are commonplace and most call it a “good pain”. This is what SM is built on. Although pain is not always involved, it is the core of SM, it is a good pain that two people inflict or receive to heighten their sensual pleasure and accommodate sexual desires that fall among the fetish and phobias of unique and high quality lovemaking.
Most participants are surprised to learn they enjoy leather whips, spiked paddles, handcuffs, clamps, penis rods, crotchless swings, wax, ball-gags, and leather leashes. These items are considered vulgar by people who are only aware of the status quo sex life. Sex only becomes vulgar if the relationship you are in becomes stale and unsatisfying or if the sex someone is engaged in is with someone who has not consented to it, or is too young to give their consent and understand the full implications of their choices. People into SM push their own boundaries of sexuality and experience a unique relationship that brings them pleasure through different values of pain or sometimes the anticipation of it.
Couples that engage in SM are safety conscious. They understand that toys must be washed and kept clean and many precautions be taken to assure that the experience will be a pleasurable one that both partners will walk away from completely satisfied. Partners usually know everything about each other and are extremely close. This type of sex is not for everybody and Subs must be sure that the Dom partner they choose can be trusted and listen for safe words. The safe word is set-up so that if things are being pushed too far your partner will stop without question. This means Subs have to be willing to trust them with their life. Let's face it, it is easy for accidents to occur if a Dom is not paying attention and if things go too far someone could end up dead. This occurs more frequently when partners are still learning each others strengths and weaknesses, along with their own.
A partner that has engaged in the activity for years may suddenly find themselves without a partner and this usually brings them to what are called club “scenes”. The hunt for a new partner is not only risky because of unknown involvement with sexual toys that may not be sterilized and carry sexual diseases, but because you may allow yourself to trust the wrong person. Subs are especially vulnerable and could easily end up in a position that may be impossible to get out of. We are all aware that there are evil people out there, and they might consider these club “scenes” to be a place for easy prey. Most of the “scenes” have strict rules that everyone must follow if they are allowed entry to the club and they are enforced. There are boundaries that cannot be crossed or you risk being banned, sometimes indefinitely. Once you are granted admission, even you must obey a Doms rules if you are within their territory. This helps them keep a look out for people who are new to the “scenes” or just do not act right.
Even if you do get lucky and find a “safe” partner that understands your needs and the relationship flourishes into a sophisticated SM experience, it still includes some downsides that may be hard to avoid. Many of the role-playing games include spankings and whips or paddles and clamps where bruises and permanent scarring can be incurred at every level. Since the majority of participants in the Sub/Dom relationships are mostly married white men between the ages of 40-55 years-old committing adultery this may become very hard to conceal from their wives at home. Although, many of these men may not even be engaging in “sex”. There are also those who come to enjoy the humiliation and harsh treatment from their Doms. They allow themselves to be placed on leashes and speak only when spoken to. They avoid eye contact with anyone except their Dom and must have permission before doing anything. Subs have to be careful not to let their tolerance in their sexual life become part of their real life at home. That kind of relationship is not healthy for anybody involved. Doms also have to watch that their dominating personalities don't become problematic for their personal lives. It could cost them their jobs or even their friends.
At the higher levels of SM there are private rooms for the more advanced forms of role-play that may include the regular use of human cages or dungeons with leather ball-gags and full face masks. Again, the participants welcome the pain and it is always consensual. There would be a wall of various whips and tools of torture for more sinister involvement. Things like nut-stomping and burning of the skin with hot irons may seem mid-evil to people who do not understand the SM underground, but if ever the participant wants the session to end there is always a “safe-word” or some other way of communicating that they want the Dom to stop whatever they are doing. At that point, it immediately stops. For most participants the reasons they give for their involvement in SM is the heightened sense of sexual pleasure. It is proven to induce high amounts of endorphins and create a wave of pleasure for those involved. Various practices arouse or stimulate individuals for many different reasons and on various levels. Cock-stuffing or “sounding” is a practice that involves inserting a cold steel rod into the males urethra which is something most men would want to avoid at any cost. Oral stimulation for most people is enough to stimulate their sexual desire, but others may use spanking as an aphrodisiac to begin sexual intercourse. There is a high number of men who are Submissive and just enjoy the act of being controlled. There are even people who do not participate in the act of SM themselves and instead find it erotic to watch the “scenes” taking place through a wall of glass.
People that watch notice that Doms actually care very much about the safety and comfort of their Subs. They grow very close to each other because the whole relationship is built on trust and effective communication with each other. It can be a very empowering experience that brings a couple closer together as they learn about each others boundaries and space, sexual triggers and behavior, what pleases or annoys them, and how far they can go before it is too far. There is a lot of affection shared between the two partners..
A Dom must know his own strength it or it could mean the difference between consensual sex and sexual assault. At that point, there are even legal ramifications which may emerge and become problematic for the Doms real life. The thought of that scares both participants. Every individual who is thinking about participating in this form of sexual exercise should think seriously about the repercussions that it may have on their personal lives. There are not very many people who would want to participate in this kind of activity every day. The goal is to keep the SM in your life only as sexual role play.
Most participants, especially women, find this is a very gratifying form of sex. A study done at the University of Northern Illinois proved that endorphin levels rise during these sessions and that spankings improve intimacy. The occasional SM encounter usually ends with both participants feeling completely satisfied. Even feminists have to agree that the goal for most heterosexual couples is just to make the man orgasm. Martha Nussbaum claims in her essay, Objectification, that sexual objectification, the reduction of a person to his or her flesh, and the loss of individuality and autonomy in sexual activity, can be a wonderful or good aspect of life and sexuality. I think many people who have experienced SM would have to agree.